


Day Six: Addiction

by oathkeptroxas



Series: JayRoy Week 2016 [6]
Category: DCU (Comics)
Genre: Addiction, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Established Relationship, Past Drug Addiction, Past Drug Use, Past/Referenced Roy Harper/Kendra Saunders, Pining
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-11-16
Updated: 2016-11-16
Packaged: 2018-08-31 09:06:09
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,092
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8572474
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/oathkeptroxas/pseuds/oathkeptroxas
Summary: Pre52-Centric. Canon Divergent, set within Justice League of America Vol.2. References made to Outsiders Vol.3.Jason and Roy strike up an unlikely friendship while volunteering at the same soup kitchen.  Roy hits a speed bump, Jason is there for him.





	

**Author's Note:**

> Sorry this is late!! I've never done a ship week before and was literally winging it and writing each one on the day of.
> 
> I got disheartened and was kinda out of it as a result of the election, and couldn't find the motivation to write. But here it is!

It was dark when Jason got home, night had fallen and the smog of the city blocked out any traces of the moon or stars. It was the eery kind of nighttime hour that Gotham was famous for. After a night of relentless vigilantism, he was desperately looking forward to crashing out.

The distant sounds of glass tinkling, drunken brawling and police sirens was a muted soundtrack, Jason sighed as he clambered up the steps, one floor after another, until he reached the door to his shoddy apartment. Convenient and cosy as it was, it never quite felt like home.

When Jason turned the key and the door fell open, he was struck with the sudden sense that something was amiss, there was a tingling sensation at the nape of his neck that made him feel as if he was being watched, that someone was aware of him. Cautious, he brought up his firearm, and closed the door with a soft click. The only other person who had a key was Roy, and he’d let Jason know they wouldn’t be seeing each other until the weekend, he had plans.

The lamp in the lounge was on, casting a dim light through the open living space, and through the archway leading to the kitchen, Jason could see a hunched figure sitting at the dining table. The dim light shone red on the downturned mop of hair, and Jason put down his weapon. “Roy?” He called, confused and worried.

When Roy didn’t respond, Jason stepped closer. He crouched down beside the chair where Roy was sitting, he placed one hand on Roy’s thigh and reached the other up to cup Roy’s jaw. “What’s going on?” 

Roy shook his head ever so slightly, and his eyes didn’t waver from the tabletop. Following his gaze Jason finally saw the cause of Roy’s silence, the syringe and the rock sat atop the wood and Jason let out a gasp. He should be used to this by now, he’d dealt with junkies more times than he could count in his line of work, but this was different, this was _Roy_ , and he _loved_ him. In that moment he was a frightened little boy who’d just found his mother, a needle still inside.

“I didn’t-- I mean, I wouldn’t-- I just-” Roy broke off, and his voice filtered through, brought Jason back to the here and now.

“Babe, what’s happening?” He asked softly.

Roy sighed deeply, and reached a hand up to scrub at his face. “It’s stupid...I just, I was on my way to Oliver’s, and there were roadworks, a diversion. I ended up on one of the streets where I used to hang out, there’s a bar where the band used to play. I remembered the rush I’d get from just buying, the thrill that kids get when they’re doing something they know they shouldn’t.”

Jason waited patiently for Roy to continue, wanted to ask where Lian was, but he knew there was no way Roy would _ever_ have Lian anywhere near this. 

Roy swallowed and finally met Jason’s eyes before continuing. “I wanted to know if anything had changed. I wanted to know if that shithole was still as bad as it always was. I went in and it, _God, Jay_ , it was so fucking _easy_ to go in and just pick up a rock. Like a loaf of bread at the store, in and out, like it was nothing.” Roy’s voice broke and he took a few deep breaths. “Chuck overdosed in the room upstairs. He fucking _died._ He was just some dumb kid, we _all_ were. And nothing’s changed! All the work I’ve done. All the rehab and the campaigning, every school I went to and shared my experiences, every dealer I’ve put away, everything I’ve ever done to stop this. And it’s _still the same_.”

For a moment, Jason didn’t know what to say. He understood that feeling of helplessness, it was something that plagued everyone in their line of work sometimes. “Roy...criminals, they’re like weeds. They pop up all over the fucking place. And just when you think you’re done, there’s more.”

Roy sighed but seemed to release some of the tension he’d been carrying. “I just feel like every decision I’ve ever made in my whole life has been some kind of up-hill battle.”

Something about that sentiment had Jason flashback to a conversation they’d had before - a conversation that had kickstarted this whole thing between them. And with that, he remembered when they first met. Technically, their _very first_ meeting had been a long time ago, a whole other life. Jason had been young and starry-eyed, the new Robin wanting to prove himself on a single mission with the Titans. They’d barely had a conversation or two, and Jason tried not to think about back then, even the good memories gave way to loss. Roy had been barely out of his teens when the bombshell had dropped that he had a daughter, Jason had just been a side-line spectator, Roy probably didn’t even remember him being there. No, that didn't count, wouldn’t do. The first meeting that counted had happened much later, and as Jason thought about how far they’d come since then, he couldn't believe it had only been a year.

\--

Jason had spent the Christmas period volunteering at a soup kitchen. He enjoyed the chatter of the people, the warmth of the place. He loved being able to help people in such a simple and safe capacity. He remembered what it was like to be hungry and cold himself, he knew how much it meant to the people he was helping. Plus, it wasn’t like he’d had a homely, family festive season to occupy him.

It had come as a shock when Roy was one of the other volunteers. Roy introduced himself like it was the first time, Jason gave the alias - Peter - that he used for situations such as these, and Jason knew that Roy had no idea who he was. It wasn't surprising really. The only other time they’d met, Jason had been just going through puberty, tiny for his age from the years of malnutrition. They’d barely known each other a day and it had been years since then, Jason had died and returned and barely resembled his former self, hadn’t crossed paths with Roy at all during that time. He’d have been more shocked if Roy _had_ recognized him.

But Jason knew who Roy was, of course he did. Even if Red Arrow’s secret identity hadn’t long been public knowledge, there was no way Jason would forget a founding Titan. Jason wanted to hate him then. Roy was a long time friend of Dick’s, was an active member of the League alongside Bruce. There were a million reasons for them to loathe one another, but ultimately they were in that soup kitchen for the same reason. Jason could respect that. There was no need to cause a disruption by revealing himself, it wasn’t the time or place.

As the weeks passed, they struck up an unlikely friendship. Roy would gush about his daughter and Jason found himself wanting to meet her. He’d always loved kids and worked hard to ensure their safety, yet he didn’t have any friends or family with young children that he could spoil. It was a strange thing, to know he had been there when Roy had first found out about her. Roy had barely been out of his teens and Jason had only been 15 himself. But he sat there at 20 years old against Roy’s 26, and he thought about the fact that Roy had been his age when he’d fathered a child, and Jason felt like a ghost most days, had no legacy to leave the world.

They’d sit on the rooftop with a cup of soup and a cigarette each and they’d laugh and talk, and talk for hours. Jason begrudgingly found he enjoyed Roy’s company, had even come to crave it over time. And Roy seemed to like him too, he’d talk about his life and his dreams and he’d confide in Jason like he mattered. Even after the holiday season was over they continued to meet up, neither one of them willing to let go of their comfortable routine.

Jason discovered his feelings for Roy went beyond platonic when Roy was innocently expressing his doubts in his current relationship. He was waxing poetic about how his girlfriend made him feel like no one else ever had, how he didn’t know what love was supposed to feel like but he was sure he’d found it and it scared him. It set Jason’s teeth on edge, and his fists clenched. He didn't know her but he hated her, and _she was so lucky_. “I don’t know what to do, Pete,” Roy had said, and Jason wished more than anything he could come clean, “I don’t know how to tell her.”

 _Don’t tell her, ___Jason thought, pleaded, _Tell me_.

So on that night when Roy showed up late, his shoulders hunched and his face crestfallen, Jason knew it was over. 

“You don’t have to talk about it if you don’t want to,” he breathed as Roy took a seat beside him, “But- Just- _are you okay?_ ” 

There was long moment of silence before Roy lifted a shoulder in a shrug. “No,” he finally said, “But I will be.” 

Jason hadn’t known what to say to that, so he’d just handed Roy a cigarette, and known that he would talk when he was ready. They smoked in silence for a minute or two, just gazing out over the cityscape. Finally, Roy sighed and flicked his cigarette butt over the side. 

“She said his name,” Roy began, “In her sleep. She was lying beside me and she said his name. And i _know_ it’s not her fault. Can’t control our dreams. But I- I got jealous. And I don’t _do_ jealous. I’ve never been possessive before.” He sighed deeply before seeking out Jason’s gaze. “Everything about her was different, y’know? My life is complicated, with work and Lian. And ever since I got myself sorted, got my shit together, this is the first relationship I’ve had where I felt _this is it_. So I got jealous, and angry. I was acting like a fucking child but I just couldn’t _stop_.” 

Jason processed that for a moment. He didn’t know the best way to comfort. “None of that is your fault, Roy. Sometimes our feelings get the best of us, especially the uglier ones. It doesn’t make you a bad person, it just makes you human.” 

Roy scoffed. “That’s not even the worst part. The worst part is: a part of me knew. Given her history, the nature of their relationship, I kinda knew I was setting myself up for a fall. Like a goddamn _uphill battle_.” He shook his head, as if the notion was to be expected, like things being difficult for him was commonplace. Jason didn’t like it. “And while I was busy feeling sorry for myself, he swoops in. She got hurt, and I was scared, worried. She was trying to console me that I was what she wanted, and I was too busy being bitter. Like it was already the end, and it turns out it was. Because I went to visit her, to see if she was alright, and he was there. Like he’d always been there. And she looked at me like I shouldn’t be there. Like she didn’t need to tell me something that I’d always already known.” 

Jason took a breath, hurt and angry on Roy’s behalf. He wanted to console, to cherish. He wanted to tell Roy that he was worth more than that, would always be. But he didn’t know how to do or say any of that without crossing a line. Before he could muzzle his treacherous mouth he breathed, “I would never do that to you.” 

Roy turned to him, and looked. He just looked for a long moment, and Jason sat with his soul stretched bare, his heart raw and waiting for inspection. And after what felt like a lifetime, Roy leant forward for a kiss, and Jason stopped him. 

"Don’t. You need time. I’m not being your rebound, Harper.” He told him, soft but firm. 

"That’s fair.” Roy offered him a crooked grin. “So, what now?” 

Jason sighed, and since tonight was a night for coming clean, he felt it only fair he finally be honest. “That’s up to you. But you gotta know something, if you’re seriously gonna think about this then I gotta be honest with you…” 

“Okay…” Roy trailed off uncertainly. 

Jason stood up, and readied himself to leave the second he dropped this bomb. “My name’s not Peter...it’s Jason.” 

Roy searched his expression for a second, his brow furrowed in confusion. Then suddenly a light came on, awareness smoothed out his expression, quickly to be replaced with shocked disbelief. “Todd.” He stated flatly, it wasn’t a question. 

Jason didn’t know what to say. The ball was in Roy’s court from now on. He shifted uncomfortably from one foot to another. 

“Alright. I gotta know. This wasn’t some kinda game, was it?” Roy asked, indicating between them. 

"What?” Jason murmured, shocked and hurt by the accusation. “No! This was me. Just me. I know you didn’t know me before, and I’m not who I was then. I know you got a million reasons to turn tail. But I was here to help at the kitchen, kept quiet because I didn’t see the point in us making a big deal when we were both there for the same reason. I didn’t think it would get this far. Didn’t think I’d actually _like_ you.” 

Roy snorted, “ _Smooth_ , Pete-....uh, that’s gonna take some getting used to.” 

Jason tried not to get his hopes up. “Look, you got my number. You think things over, alright? And for the record, everything but my name was the truth. All of it.” 

\-- 

Looking up at Roy in the dim light of the kitchen, Jason was struck again by how lucky he was to have him. Perhaps it shouldn’t have come as such a shock that Roy had been willing to give them a shot. After all, he wasn’t exactly the first criminal Roy had snuck around with. Roy had actually pointed out that particular truth himself, much to Jason’s dismay. - _”Compare me to your baby momma again, Harper, I dare ya.”_

But, nevertheless, they’d somehow found their way here. And Jason loved him so much, and right now, he was hurting. With a sigh, Jason stood from his crouched position, and ran a soothing hand through Roy’s hair. He took the syringe and stowed it in the first aid kit. He took the baggie and locked it in the safe, he would figure out how best to dispose of it later. For the time being he just wanted it out of Roy’s sight. 

"I wouldn’t have done it, Jay. You believe me, baby, don’t you?” Roy pleaded. 

Jason wanted to believe him, but addiction was tricky. It didn’t matter how long someone had been clean, faced with their vice in a situation where there was nothing or no one between them and the fix, the temptation could be irresistible. But Jason believed that Roy hadn’t intended to use, hadn’t sought it out for that purpose, and that was enough. He bent down to kiss his temple. 

“Why did you come back to Gotham? I thought you were in Star City all week.” Jason asked. 

“I was supposed to be, Dinah picked Lian up from school. I was on my way to Oliver’s - some kind of family night, he’s making chilli - when I hit that diversion. And then I had that baggie in my hand and I just- I couldn’t face them. I needed to see you.” Roy explained. 

"Roy, they love you,” Jason consoled, “They’d have understood.” 

"I couldn’t…I just kept remembering something Dick told me once,” Jason gritted his teeth at the name, tried not to let his distaste show in his expression. “We’d had some bullshit argument. He was high and mighty because I’d been consulting with Bruce behind his back,” It took everything in him for Jason not to make a retort at that, but this wasn’t about him, it was about Roy. “I told him he was being unfair, closed-off. I told him he’d ended up like the guy who raised him, because I felt like I couldn’t talk to him anymore. And he got so mad, and he said - and I know he only said it to hurt me, he didn’t like being slapped with the truth, but - he said that I was like the man who raised me too, except _Green Arrow never did drugs_.” 

There was a prolonged silence between them, and for the umpteenth time in his life Jason imagined killing Dick Grayson. But then Roy murmured, “That’s me. That’s how I’ll be remembered, the junkie sidekick. And I couldn’t face Oliver with that playing like a broken fucking record in my head. I couldn’t look at Dinah with that rock in my car, knowing that the stuff would’ve killed me if not for her. I couldn’t look at my baby girl’s face knowing what I’d done.” 

Jason wrapped his arms around Roy, and squeezed him as tight as he could despite the awkward position. They were the failure sidekicks, the ones who let themselves down, the ones who were used as examples of what not to become, fucking cautionary tales. The difference was that Roy had made a name for himself, had picked himself up out of the gutter and pushed forward, Jason often felt that he couldn’t say the same. 

"I think I need to be Arsenal again.” Roy murmured. 

"What about Red Arrow?” 

Roy scoffed, “I’d convinced myself that becoming Red Arrow was some kind of grand ascension. My final coming of age, right? Red Arrow was the new Green Arrow. The Justice League’s resident archer. But I can’t go back to the League now, not with Kendra and Carter there. I need to be my own hero again, do the things that I believe in, on my own. So, Arsenal it is. I became Arsenal the first time to distance myself from Oliver’s crusade. So, I’ll distance myself from the League too.” 

Jason nodded. “Okay. I believe in you.” 

_I love you._


End file.
